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A little under two years ago, I had a serial cheater as a friend. Granted, she was married for a little over a decade, she did have affairs for half of the time and although I tried my best not to judge her choices (people endure all sorts of marriages for a variety of reasons), I’m the type who’ll think one paramour adequate. Sure, no marriage is perfect. There are men who have one mistress, just as their are women who have one extra male ‘friend.’
In medieval times, marriage wasn’t about romance and much of the romance or romantic love between adults occured outside marriage. This does seem logical. After all, after a few years of marriage, along with its timetable like arrangements -sex included- it does become stale. Back to my friend. Over time, and after various affairs, I felt that we weren’t compatible as friends. I was single. She was married, yet having more sex than I was and at certain points, specifically when I’d meet new men or we’d go out to places where single men were bound to be, I felt as though she was competing with me. This went on for a year. I’d ask myself why I hung around with a married friend and it wasn’t her marital status that soured my view. It was her blatant disregard for my feelings. I practically had no time to move in on my intended and only thought it fair that she, as a married friend – with a male waiting at home – should give me a goddamn break.
These types of friends are…well…they’re selfish narcissists that initially suck people in. At first, they appear normal or what is classed as normal. Maybe modern culture is infected with individualist/narcissism. She appeared confident, comfortable in her own skin (to have a never ending carousel of lovers without physically doubting herself) and friendly (I presumed considerate). Then the mask fell over time and man, it took so much time! There is no formal term for these sorts of people. I called my friend the friend fatale. She eventually adopted her natural form, a human parasite.
What is it with these black widow friend? Sure, they come off as being sexually liberated. You know, just because they’re having plenty of extra-marital sex, that’s supposed to make them more attractive in some way. I had news for my friend. She obviously didn’t want to hear about the cold reality: some people just go for the fucking and it doesn’t have to involve attractiveness or having things ‘in common’ (What is that supposed to really mean today?) as a couple. This era has moved beyond the concept of the ‘fuck buddy’.
Eventually, I got sick of making excuses for my female friend. I was tired of answering my home phone to hear her husband on the other side, requesting his wife, for me to go into excuse mode (she was buying cigarettes, on the way home, etc) to cover up for her flings. With my monotonous everyday luck, she didn’t even get caught by her husband and I was soooooo tempted to tell on her or throw him a bone, but was always kind of frightened of the karma that would follow. I’m terrible like that.
At one stage, I thought I couldn’t bring the friendship to an end. I mean, she knew about the hatred I had for my job and she also worked as a corporate recruiter with plenty of city contacts. I didn’t want to piss her off. In the end, her libido and my need for a new job naturally resolved the situation. It took a near year for it to all resolve itself. She eventually met someone new, dynamic, ‘hot’ and, for important for her, wealthy and I switched jobs. I now worked ten blocks away from her and her relationship with Mr Sickeningly Rich progressed until she did eventually leave her husband.
She didn’t need me to cover for her but she had also made new socialite friends in the process and, you guessed it, I didn’t fit in with her Marc Jacobs-Chanel-Gucci toting pussy posse. Seriously though, I think she has found her niche and a group of equally frustrated women who, when the money ceases to amuse, look toward buying anything (read: male escorts) with it. Not that I judge them for that, but thankfully I won’t be there to endure her rubbish.
Forget Twilight. These sorts of friends are real everyday vampires.
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I dont think anyone wants to be in the position of having to lie to a friend’s other half and it is totally unfair to expect that friend to do it on a regular basis. Sounds like you are well rid…