I had another appointment with Ms Shrinky-Dink, who wanted an update on my personal or romantic situation. All questions lead to the romantic variable. Like a standardized variable in life’s equation, romance is a staple and when I revealed my encounter with Luke, her face stilled and I thought I saw her cringe a little. Disgust is one of the six basic emotions (Ekman) and I thought I witnessed it behind my therapist’s eyes.
Casual sex is still frowned upon. In some modern societies, the return to form of sexual restraint and/or abstinence has become a reality with politicians announcing their personal preferences or what they deem to be proper behavior. It’s incredible how their own ignorance of issues like world poverty isn’t considered improper. Anywho, I don’t like the face to face approach of contemporary therapists. That eye-to-eye thing unnerves me on many levels. If I say something that is controversial or deemed so (like casual oral sex with a virtual stranger), then my therapist will avert her gaze, which contributes little to my sense of security. Now, psychoanalysis is totally different. The therapist only has to listen and the patient doesn’t have to witness their therapist’s inner conflicts, which is what you witness when someone averts their gaze in your presence. Besides, I loath her scratchy seats/sofa.
So we were discussing my personal life, whether I had made any headway with my sexual trust issues. I nodded, and began with my account, minus descriptions of Luke’s erection, nicely veined cock and seduction style, and she then asked me if I thought the relationship was going anywhere and whether the direction was important to me.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Is direction really important? I’m not in the marriage frame of mind, to be honest.”
She noted it down and I continued, trying to get as many words in as possible, to minimize the questions.
“Besides, my issue with sex isn’t about the commitment factor. It is about the physical comfort, orgasming in the presence of another person and stuff like that.” I shifted in my annoying chair, “When are you going to step into the 21st century with some non-scratch chairs?”
Well…you could have heard a pin drop.
I’ll just say that I’m not really looking forward to the next session, which I booked a month from now. As for Luke. He is still waiting for me to schedule time.
How do you move forward after a first meet and blowjob?
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