Sex on Film | From Ridiculous to Fantastical

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Robert Pattinson on his ‘Bel Ami’ sex scenes with Uma Thurman:

“The sex scenes with Uma are kind of disturbing.

“Her character Madeleine kind of uses sex as a sort of weapon and my character thinks like an animal. There are a lot of sex scenes in this film, so I’m asking quite a lot of myself, and with lots of different people as well.”

I was watching television with my room mate. Now my room mate is male, a few years younger than me, and when assignment week comes round, I also serve as a tutor, but while channel surfing we stumbled upon the film ‘The Last Kiss,” in particular a 69ner-ish sex scene and kind of sat there. No, we didn’t instantly rip each other’s clothes off and obey the porno-rules of sex. We were taken aback by the scene. My room mate shook his head and wondered how actors did it.

“If I was married, I wouldn’t be able to tolerate it.”

This began a journey through sex scenes in film, culminating in the most realistic-looking scenes. Remember Mickey Rourke and Carre Otis in Wild Orchid? I personally think that their scenes were hotter than his scenes with Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 Weeks, but the point is that their scenes were hot because they had some real-life chemistry sparking between them, they went on to marry and so on and so forth – to conclude with some nasty headlines and a divorce.

I said, “I don’t think the ‘fuck like you’re being filmed’ quote actually works for mainstream actors. Porn stars, certainly, but mainstream actors seem to be more insecure.”

Not that I’d know or anything but going by their antsy quotes in the media, it’s not as though they enjoy getting down and dirty with their fellow thespians. Imagine, most female actresses spend a fortune on body maintenance. Most are wary of body scrutiny by the media, so imagine a fellow actor. Anyway, many actresses use body doubles, as Julia Roberts did in filmed scenes within Pretty Woman (I was so disappointed to find that out at the time) as well as on the film posters.

That’s not to say that adult film isn’t staged. Everything is filmed in piece meal format, so it’s quite easy to fake most things, including cock size. Which is why I really find watching oversized cocks in porn films difficult. Most of the time, especially during close ups, I don’t really believe it’s a real cock. Some films depict really oversized penises, and I mean members that, when held, simply flop over. They’re not even erect enough to penetrate a vagina and anyone who is having sex knows that a cock has to be erect before it enters any cavity. It’s just too difficult and/or painful otherwise.

I averted my eyes, to avoid seeing  my room mate’s potential hard-on and was surprised not to notice one.

“What do you think? We all stand to attention like it’s a Pavlovian response? Firstly, that’s so unappealing to me. They’re sweaty, fucking on the carpet, and when you sweat and fuck on a carpet like that, it feels like you’re developing a heat rash all over your body.”

“Carpet sex does suck,” I nodded. Then we began another journey. No, we didn’t fuck. We compared notes, discussing the most ridiculous places to have sex. I’d have to say that baths and showers are the most ridiculous. Maybe not for men, but it’s hard being female and trying to establish some lubrication when water is continually sabotaging that process -making penetration more of a pain than anything else. Ah…sex on film. It’s so pretentious, fantastical and unrealistic, yet mind boggling, sometimes bizarre and great for fantasies.

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