Economics is often taught in a dry manner by textbooks and university professors alike, but it doesn’t have to be so boring, however one glimpse at the life of the contemporary celebrity puts paid on notions of fairness and, wait for it, market control. Celebrities do influence a lot of trends these days and whether economics professors like it or not, many everyday folk disagree with the notion that the market is ‘randomly’ priced by the consumer -like we have any control over price, right?
Then there is the concept of price elasticity, but how does adultery factor in microeconomics? Is the price elasticity of a marriage, or a spouse, high or low? Well, according to the current lot of male celebrities is anything to go by, the answer is simple: screw around on your wife and your bank balance will experience an immediate drastic reduction.
The ‘celebenomics’ column at Popeater interested me. The focus on celebrity cheaters had me grinning only because their tactics can be spotted in everyday life. I’ve spotted more cheating cheapskates. The one, and only, time I directly experienced a married cheap skate was the last, but friends have kept me briefed on the issue of cheap replica watches as birthday presents (namely Gucci, Dior, etc) as well as cheap motel rooms with chintzy bed spreads and the like. I’d bet on many mistress ‘tales’ being fake or spruced up to add glam to the dreary life of the ‘other woman’.
The How Cheaters Woo Their Mistresses post on Popeater is spot on:
“The Cheap Skate” – Admittedly Tiger Woods had a lot of women to try to accommodate and he had to try to spread the dollar dollar bills across the board, but you’d think that with an estimated fortune of $900 million he would have sprung for better than coach flights and remembered to send a birthday present here or there.
Mistress Mindy Lawton revealed Vanity Fair that the only thing he ever bought for her was a chicken wrap from Subway.
Jamie Jungers, winner of Howard Stern’s Miss. Mistress beauty pageant once asked Tiger for some money to pay her rent and he said no way. “I felt trapped. I said can you please help me I said I don’t know what else to do and I’m already embarrassed to ask you and he said I can’t. I stopped being with him after that after 18 months,” Jungers said. But that wasn’t all. The man raking in millions from sponsorships never even bought her nice presents and when he flew her out to see him it was on Southwest, in coach. “He was cheap. He never tipped at restaurants. It embarrassed me,” Jungers said. Jungers also explained she never even got a birthday card from Tiger. [PopEater]
I get this. In my younger, stupid years, I had a fling with a married man and he hated to part with dollars (he’d have to account for in some way to the wife) to pay for a motel room. I’ve had friends who’ve received cheap, and I mean cheap, gifts. When you’re a professional woman or married to a man who is a high salary earner (who has bought you a Rolex for your anniversary), a Pierre Cardin cheapie watch is an insult. If you’re accustomed to wearing a Rolex in the presence of family and friends, then a $150 Pierre Cardin is a huge step down – and raises questions such as, ‘Your husband wouldn’t buy you that, so who bought it?” Which was the predicament that my friend sought to avoid (she couldn’t even sell it on Ebay).
Forget Tiger’s problems, it’s tough for non celebrity married dudes. There are mortgages, children and, yes, spouses to consider, but whatever happened to the saying ‘don’t touch what you can’t afford?’ Clearly, some of the wealthiest examples of adulterers fail to consider this and maintain a style of cheapness that is not only mind boggling, but embarrassing -maybe that’s the reason why Tiger and Jesse’s mistresses started selling their stories. For those who’ll say, ‘but love isn’t about money,’ it’s more like adultery is hardly about love and more about sexual conquest; just when you think that Tiger’s tally is finalized, out comes the next door neighbor’s daughter. What the fuck? Then there is Jesse’s voracious appetite for tattoo ink on boobs.
Still, money isn’t a safeguard. Give away too much money, then it becomes hush money and depending on the woman’s morals or romantic view, may conflict with her inner view of herself as well as her idealistic view of relationships. In other words, too much money or hush money may tip the boat the other way, for the mistress to feel cheapened, aggro and quite upset to be considered a mere receptacle for a few intimate moments.
So what I see is the problem with adultery. Like it or not, it always presents issues. Sure, some sex columnists may care to disagree, but I’ve never seen anything positive come out of adultery and it’s not a view that is based on my own personal moral meter, it’s based on my own experience (women end up tiring of being ‘on call’ to a man’s sex drive) as well as the experiences I’ve observed via friends who have felt time pass by without any sense of relationship related sense of achievement and intimacy. There is sexual intimacy, that can be gained in the casual sense, but it doesn’t really extend beyond the moment and no one likes being the loner who has no partner for family gatherings, Christmas parties or the ordinary dinner party – when the other person is usually unavailable (even emotionally unavailable).
Back to celebrity economics, some of these married men make incredibly stupid choices. Take Sandra Bullock’s husband, and his freakish choice of mistress. Sure, hey a forehead tattoo is out there but whatever rocks a person’s boat right? But what happens when your mistress is shown to be a Nazi afficionado, you’re married to a Hollywood actress (Hollywood being populated by many Jewish people – usually in the form of film directors and studio executives). Is she not going to divorce your ass or what? But Jesse’s idiocy relates to his economic blunder: his wife is the main breadwinner. Therein lies his stupidity. Now, I’d have to question his intelligence. How can anyone who considers themselves intelligent be married to such an economic dufus?
Is this the year of male adultery gone mad (as well as stupid) or what?
I don’t think adultery will ever cease. Adultery will proliferate for as long as marriage and romance industries promote unattainable ideals. Still, with contemporary celebrities, it’s not about stopping at one, it’s about having a mini harem and that is the craziness that is. If you’re not happy in a relationship, do you necessarily need a billion mistresses?
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